last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
this boner is exhausting
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize