Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize