There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
this hospital has no fireball
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
