just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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