i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
