Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize