Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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