Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
