Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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