Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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