turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
