Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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