you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize