My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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