I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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