Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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