Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
