Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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