I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
