what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
