All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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