you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
