Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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