In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
