Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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