I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
