When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
