Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
