Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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