When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
