I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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