After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
