So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthdayâ€
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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