he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
