Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
