That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
