omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
