I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
