We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
God, you're like boner-b-gone
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My feet surprised me
Randomize
