At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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