you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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