That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will be naked everywhere
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
