Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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