i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
