I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize