I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
