i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i drank out of a bidet.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
