you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
