nut hugger
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
