Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
