Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
