Can i not drive my cunt home
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
