Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
