9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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