We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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