there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
