I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
