If i come over, it means nothing
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Randomize
