Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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