We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
