i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
