I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
