I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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