So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Green mimosas i think yes
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
