her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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