It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
