I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
